Small Prick For A Nun

The Words:

Tarsier
Down syndrome
Nun
spatula
Tattooist
euthenasia
Stoichkov

The Story:

A nun walked into a tattooist studio and to discover the tattooist had Down’s Syndrome. The nun was a little concerned but the tattooist’s assistant assured the nun that the Down ’s Syndrome had meant the tattooist was one of the best in the business because the disease had made Des very artistic. Des had fantastic reviews and was highly regarded in his field. His claim to fame was the unusual tattoo that he did for footballer Stoichkov of a spatula which caused a ruckus in the press.

The nun had been considering the tattoo for a long time. She was missing some excitement in her life, and felt that nobody will ever see it under her habit. Ever since visiting the Philippines she had dreamt of having a tattoo of their native large eyed tarsiers etched on her rump.

Des got to work. The nun began to feel the needle and wondered if that is what it felt like to be given the euthanasia injection. She swiftly put this out of her mind and began to hum hymns to herself. After about half an hour the tattoo was done. She was really made up with the tattoo, but she decided never to tell a sole as she was worried about being thrown out the convent.

The Picture:

Quattro Formaggio

The Words:

Lubrication
Globule
Scabbard
Pizza vending machine
leprechaun
Spoon
Semi

The Story:

The inside of a Pizza vending machine is more complex than you might think. Remember the coke advert which showed the strange world of the inside of one of their vending machines. Like others I thought this was the creation of an over imaginative marketing company, until I saw the inside of the pizza dispenser. What lay inside was something like I’d never seen before. A little Leprechaun was the chief baker in the machine. Instead of using a big shovel device to remove the pizza, he removed the pizza with a gleaming scabbard. Before vending the pizza the Leprechaun put a globule of lubrication fluid on a spoon and poured in onto a semi-conductor. This momentarily shorted the circuit under the pizza which gave the pizza a steaming appearance. Then the leprechaun passed the pizza to a little sprite which put the pizza in a box and winched it down to the release hatch.

The Picture:


Bonus Material (From Glenn's Wife):

Lubrication allowed the leprechaun to form globules of love juice whilst he was spooning a semi naked dwarf. When he had finished he decided to get some food from a pizza vending machine which he served with the aid of a scabbard.

The Book Of Haroon

The Words:

Haroon
Telescopic
Chinchilla
Splat
Frottage (Consensual sexual rubbing between partners)
Bouncy ball


The Story:

Haroon has an active imagination. He has come up with his ideal world that he has named Haroonville. In this world every female he comes into contact with likes to frottage with him. Due to this Haroon’s gene pool is very spread out. One thing always seems to lead to another. He in fact was the only person permitted to sleep with any woman in the land.

In this strange world he has a shrine of chinchillas. He adores these cheeky animals. These to Haroon are the higher beings and he worships them. He believes by spending at least two hours a day in this shrine he will achieve eternal life.

He once found a man that was believed to have fathered a child. This was not acceptable, as this could upset the equilibrium of his kingdom. Haroon dealt with the man in the only way he knew how. He had a giant bouncy ball commissioned. This was hoisted into position by a giant telescopic rod. He then captured the man and tied him up and after futile murmurs by the prisoner the giant ball was released from above him. It landed with a splat and the man was no more. The ironic thing was the ball never even bounced, but most importantly the equilibrium was restored.

The Picture:

The Marzipanned Mangina

The Words:

Bulbous

Hummus (Houmous)

Marzipan

Scuttle

Subutteo

Urethra

Mangina

The Story:

Josephine had been living as a female for three years now. Just one month ago the change from her male genitalia to a female likeness was completed. This female form was not a descision to be taken lightly. Without going into too much detail they remoulded the flesh from the bulbous penis into the shape of a vagina. The urethra was cut and position is such a way to fit with the human form. Josephine liked to be a bit different so did not want to refer to it as a vagina, but instead referred to is as a mangina.

During Josephine’s (then Joe) adolescence fitting in was a big problem. Most of the friends around were playing on the Nintendo and playing subbuteo. Joe was far more feminine and wanted to plait hair or write poetry. Joe really didn’t fit in and he knew that he wasn’t like other boys. Since he was five he wasn’t happy in his skin and wanted to be a girl. While his parents were out he would often go into his mothers wardrobe and dress up in her clothes and wear her make-up. On many occasions he was nearly caught. As soon as he heard his parents’ car he scuttled off back to his bedroom to hide the evidence. Of course his family eventually found out what he was up to. They just put it down to a funny phase.

Since the operation Josephine was feeling much better about herself. Today though she knew something was wrong. Since she had woken up she had been feeling discomfort in her nether regions. On inspecting the area she could see a discharge that looked like something in-between marzipan and the Lurpack man. In addition to this it had a smell almost imitating hummus. She knew that this was not a good sign and rang for an ambulance straight away. Luckily for her she had caught the infection just in time and a few weeks later was back at home again..

The Picture:

The Unfortunate Demise Of Cheggers

The Words:

Chaffinch

Cheggers

Mogwai

Pancreas

Placenta

tentacle

The Story:

Although the life of the average chaffinch is not too extraordinary the life of the one that visits that visits the garden of the celebrity clown know as Cheggers had quite an unusual existence. Initially the pompous chaffinch was drawn to the household by the sound of Mogwai. It is a little known fact that members of the finch family have a great regard for all things Scottish. The finch started by eating the placentas from plants within the garden.

During the winter the vegetation withered somewhat. Normally at this time of year the finch would fly off in search of better climates but the music was too much of a lure to leave. The occasional snack of snail tentacle was not sustaining the chaffinch’s weight. Drastic action was needed. Looking in the kitchen widow of the Cheggers household the finch had seen them preparing liver and bacon. Although the aromas of the food were pleasant the finch felt that the food was just not fresh enough, but had the smell and taste for meat.

The chaffinch had a fantastic idea. He knew that Cheggers was far past his best and wanted to a feast. The chaffinch new that his time would come. He started circling a height above the garden. Only hours later Cheggers was in prime position. The chaffinch aimed and itself at cheggers in a freefall position. He was on target and was nearly at terminal velocity when he speared through Cheggers torso and ripped out his pancreas though his back. The high impact lead Cheggers to explode. Cheggers died instantly and the chaffinch had his fill.

In the local rag went with the play on words headline “Cheggers did pop!”

The Picture:

The Tale Of The Hermaphrodite & The Hyena

The Words:

Hermaphrodite
Waddle
Fester
Tectonic plate
Plantronics
Egg fried rice
Hyena

The Story:

Uncle Fester from the Adams Family was on holiday in Africa and was very hungry. He decided that he needed some scran. As you can imagine his idea of a meal is probably not in line with that of the everyday foe. His tastes covered a mixture between that of a usual man and those from a hammer horror film. What he wanted was egg-fried rice. That doesn’t sound too strange does it? It’s what he wants with this dish that is strange, Its hyena. As Fester now lives in Africa this was not too difficult capture. He just used Chris' dead body as bate.

Just earlier he had an altercation with Chris Waddle. Chris was trying to promote Plantronics to Fester. Plantronics were sponsoring Chris’ football academy in a nearby town. This intrusion did not impress Fester. Fester is not the most patient individual so decided the easiest way to get rid of Chris was to shoot him in the head. He undressed Chris to make the smell of death more pungent, to lure in the hyena. To his surprise Chris was indeed a hermaphrodite. Normally a bit of human would a nice starter, but hermaphrodite was a challenge too far. He couldn’t help but think that shower time after a match must have been a traumatic experience.

When the Hyena came for the dead body all Fester needed to do was use his revolver one more time, and hey presto dinner. After skinning the carcass and segmenting the flesh into strips he was ready to cook. He had no cooker, but luckily for him he lived on a fault line, and the recent tectonic plate activity had meant that lava had been spewing a short distance away. Taking his wok, rice and eggs he got ready for a feast. Using the heat form the lava he had his food in no time.

The Picture:

A Very Sorry State Of Affairs

The Words:

Flibberty Gibbett
moist
Flange
hobnob
Discharge
Melaka
Olympic Breakfast

The Story:

Unfortunately there will be no story today. After staying up until late last night to meet the previous days deadline, Glenn has point blank refused to put his disturbed creative writing skills to any story today. There has been a gap left in the lives of many, and the feeling of disappointment weighs down upon us heavily.

The Picture:

The Most Marvellous & Amazing Mantelope

The Words:

Mantelope (half man half antelope).
Thalidomide
Pigeon
Joe Gibbons
Testes
Igloo
Twix
Flagellum (the tail of a sperm)


The Story:

Joe Gibbons was an eccentric scientist that had moved from his state of the art facilities in California to Antarctica. He was still working as a scientist, but he wanted to experiment with birds to find the effects of the drug Thalidomide will have on them. Because of the severe effects on children after mothers had taken the drug, this study was not legal in the states.

Since moving to Antarctica Joe fell under the radar somewhat, and he was free to experiment in anyway his wanted. His Lab was extremely high-tech considering it was inside an igloo. He had made a lot of money in the states and had had masses of equipment out to him. He even had a generator which runs off of petrol. The petrol was brought in for him by a strange female acquaintance. She returned roughly once a month.

Joe wanted to start his study. Normally he would opt for a bird like a pigeon, but out in Antarctica the next best thing was a penguin. He set up traps around the parameter of his igloo to catch them. He found that the best way to entice them into the traps was to use cut up pieces of Twix. He knew that they liked chocolate and he could not bring himself to use Penguin biscuits, as he felt it was almost cannibalistic.

Early tests went well. He injected the drug into female penguins and excreted sperm from the male penguins’ testes. This way he could see the effects that the drug will have on the penguin chicks. He had set up a whole incubation section in the igloo. This combined with a practiced artificial insemination technique meant he no longer needed to catch any more penguins. He found that the effects were similar to that in human babies, but most surprising was the effect the drug was having on the male penguins’. By accident he had injected a few male penguins’ with the drug. When he realised his mistake he carried on extracting their sperm, but when the sperm was analysed under a microscope he found that the flagellum of the sperm had detached.

After a few months of consideration he asked his female acquaintance to bring him a female antelope and some frozen antelope sperm. She said that there was no way she could get a live antelope to him, but he insisted. A month later somehow she managed to get them both to him. Nobody knew what he was planning. He would not entertain on even letting his acquaintance know.

The effects of the antelope were soon apparent. He was going to create a mantelope. By splitting the flagellum off his own sperm and attaching it to the other half of the antelope’s sperm he had managed to get the female antelope pregnant. This resulted in the very first mantelope.

Unfortunately for Joe his discovery led to his demise. Once the Mantelope had eaten every penguin in the site it turned on its creator and swallowed him whole. To this day nobody knows what happened to Joe, and why the only Mantelope was in Antarctica. Joe’s female accomplice has a good idea what had happened, but chose to rake in the money by discovering the first ever mantelope.

The Picture:

The Middle Of The Most Awful Mid-Life Crisis

The Words:

Jelly
Maggot
Penis
Infant
Crack-pot
Grotesque
Prostitute
Volvo


The Story:

Billy is middle aged and is in the middle of a mid-life crisis. His long term girlfriend left him ten years ago and since then has not had the confidence to go on a date. The main reason for this is that his partner used to refer to his penis as "The maggot" or "The little infant". As you can imagine this severely affected his confidence with members of the opposite sex.

Years of being on his own wallowing in his self-pity, had tortured him so much that he was know as some what of a crackpot in his local community. Due to his sexual frustration his behaviour was obscure to say the least. Just last month his postman caught him in a compromising position with a bowl of jelly. His current postman is a reluctant replacement, as the original one is still undergoing therapy.

Friday nights are the only night that Billy leaves the house. He has sexual needs that he can not satisfy in on his own, so cruises the streets for hours at a time in his frowsty old grey Volvo. What he is searching for is the figure of a smacked up prostitute. He has been doing this for the last two years now, every Friday like clockwork. The reason he has been looking for drugged up prostitutes is because he has a grotesque stench which is caused by ill hygiene, and he doesn’t want to be vomited on.


The Picture:

The First Foray Into The Wonderful Fray

The words:

Snow
Disruption by weather
Recession
Credit Crunch
Foreskin
Nostril

The story:

Darren has been scrimping and saving a deposit for his new flat. Due to the recession the only way he could save enough was to go without heating. This has been particularly toucherous for him since the disruptions in the weather. 

Alone at night Darren got so cold that he saw no option but to self-circumcise himself and lay his warm foreskin across his nostrils' to stop his sinus tracks icing up. 

It’s a sad story. 

None of this would have happened if it wasn't for the snow.

Who would have thought the credit crunch would lead to this?!

The Picture:

There's A New Game In Town

Welcome to the newst blog on the block, there will be a daily attempt to update it with new and exciting disturbing stories. That is Monday to Friday, as the weekends are for other strange and exciting activities, which may well feature in the coming stories. 

The way the blog works is that a number people choose a word for the day, and then a disturbing story is created by Glenn incorporating all the words.

Once the story has been written it will be uploaded to the blog, and will be complimented by a mildly disturbing cut and paste microsoft paint collage.

**disclaimer** All people and places in this blog are fictional. If you are of a sensitive nature, please read no further as you may be offended.