Stonker
Subterfuge
Shanghai
Bully's special prize
Lumbosacral
Shetland pony
Schindler’s other list
Carol Yager
Ant and Dec
CCTV
Retard
Dribbler
Splinge
Shabba
Necrophilia
Pubis
The Story:
In recent months, growing speculation that Carol Yager’s natural weight loss was nothing but elaborate subterfuge. New CCTV footage that has recently been leaked show’s the record holding splinge having surgery in a shanghai hospital just before the record weight loss was recorded.
Ant and Dec plan to release a new show on ITV later this year, about people who have remarkable stories that are strange but true. Carol was to be a guest presenter, but due to the dubious nature of her claims she has recently been sidelined; fearing backlash from the public and the programmes sponsor Ripley's believe it or not. Programme topics are expected to be around an adult with pubis bones that have not fused, the man with the biggest stonker and the record breaking dribbler. Items that are yet to be confirmed are items on necrophilia witnesses and Schindler’s other list. Ant and Dec are reportedly worried that this programme may tarnish their image, due to the sensitive nature of the show.
Ant and Dec are also going to headline the game show Bullseye, after Dave Spike’s 80’s adaptation failed to top the ratings. Bully’s image has been given an overhaul and instead of him walking across the screen with a dictionary, he is now seen riding a Shetland pony, and if someone wins Bully’s special prize he shouts “Shabba”, in a retard Football Italia “Lazio” style. The format is similar but with more of a modern twist. Ant and Dec agreed to do the show on the proviso that they can humiliate the guest if they loose. For instance if someone can not spell Lumbosacral, on the spelling round, not only will the guests get a resounding “moo”, but they will also get ridiculed and then hoyed into a gunge-tank, before covering them in human entrails. Agents of the Geordie pairing are reportedly exited about the new hybrid concept, as a mechanism to revolutionise modern game shows and raise the profile of the double act to a new audience.
The Picture:
