A Vile Death For Jeremy Kyle

The Words:

verbal diarrhoea
Shamone
Jeremy Kyle
Chainsaw
Long eared jerboa
Soppy
Bakery porn
Sellafield
Tango and Cash
Pina Colada
Jack Cohen (Founder of Tesco)
Mauled
Fish finger sandwich
Knobhead
Dukes of Hazzard
Tubbs

The Story:

In Jack Cohen’s world he is always looking to get more and more of our hard earned money. Although his main income is form Tesco, he is always looking for a quick way to make a buck or two. At one point he set up a franchise selling knobhead hats which went down a storm in Blackpool for stag dos. One of his other successful branches of business is bakery porn. The bakery make X-rated cakes of all varieties for birthday parties and strip clubs, and it has turned out to be big big business.

Even with all his money he was not content. What he really wanted was to take over television and his main strategy was to remove Jeremy Kyle from morning TV. He teamed up with strange man from Sellafield with a Tubbs like nose. Rumour had it that the man in question had been exposed to the radioactive leak at the power plant in the mid 90’s and this has caused him to mutate. They were an unlikely pairing a bit like Tango and Cash, but the strange man was known as the long eared jerboa; due to his strangely large lugholes and athletic prowess.

Before setting off on their mission in a replica of the car from Dukes of Hazzard Jack had a toast with a pina colada, while jerboa wolfed down a fish finger sandwich. The jerboa asked if they were off to meet the man with the verbal diarrhoea, to which Jack replied shamone, we need to go.

One hour later in Dukes of Hazzard style, Jack drove the car crashing into the Jeremy Kyle set mid show. The jerboa leapt out and wielded a chainsaw above his head and slashed it into Jeremy Kyle’s abdomen spraying Jeremy Kyle’s innards over the audience. As the body lay in a mauled soppy mess on the floor Jack could be heard singing don’t stop till you get enough. Once Jerboa had his moment he returned to the car and they sped off out of the studio and into the distance.

The Picture: