With Or Without You

The Words:

Sticky
Flaps
Window licker
Ferret
Gypsy
Dialysis
soppy
Floppy
Volkswagen Camper-Van
Bonjela
Canoeist
Banjo
Cheese string
Oreo
Bono
Colonoscopy

The Story:

At the Holesway hospital Dr Gradas named the colonoscopy equipment Bono, due to the irritation it causes to the people that it came into contact with. Dr Gradas had had the displeasure of meeting Bono years before at a party when he pulled up in his blinged out Gypsy Volkswagen Camper-van. It was one hell of a beach party until the window licker showed up trying to take over. People were eating things from their childhood like cheese strings and making milkshakes with flavoured with oreo’s and sticky bonjela, for that numbing sensation.

Bono strutted in with his usual swagger, strangely cradling a banjo. It wasn’t long before he was strumming away trying to serenade everyone he came across. He really couldn’t play it sounded like the kind of noise made when you electrocute a small lizard.

This soppy side of Bono was not going down well at all and a decision was made to get of him so Dr Gradas stepped out to his car and came back with a mild sedative and a dialysis machine. First he administered the sedative and as Bono went floppy he connected the dialysis machine and set it to work. Vast quantities of vodka were introduced to the machine and it was only a matter of time before he would be out cold. With a few flaps of the valves adding the vodka Bono glassed over and slumped to a heap; and a big cheer and a few cackles erupted on the beach.

Dr Gradas disconnected the equipment and took it back to his car, but the party goers were not finished with Bono. A crowed gathered around the campervan and removed the canoe from the top. Bono obviously fancied himself as a bit of a canoeist and he was going on his last trip. He was heaved into the canoe and pushed out to sea without a paddle never to be seen again.

The Picture:

Bono's Blasted Blast Off

The Words:


Megan Fox
Combine harvester
Smooth criminal
Dub Step
Urinate
Kebab
Melons
Waps
Moon landing
P&O European Ferries
Offensive
Complaint
Bono
How now
Googly
Hawkeye
Safari
Puss


The Story:


Bono was on a mission to build a machine that could get him to the moon on a budget. He set to work using old vehicles to build his sensational space craft. The main components that he used were from a washed up P&O European ferry and a combine harvester. Rather than sitting down making drawings and fine tuning his design he slapped bits together and went with the flow. He figured that it was a waste of time to draw designs; he needed to get this thing moving. With a kebab in one hand and a blowtorch in the other he worked on through the night like a demented psychopath. He was nearly done and the craft looked surprisingly like a pair of gigantic waps.

He was not finished yet he needed to decorate the structure. One of the melon shaped spheres he pained a hawkeye and on the other a picture of Megan Fox. He wanted something similar to what war pilots had on their planes. It was finished and Bono looked up at his offensive looking creation with pride. It was time for bed now and when he awoke it would be launch time.

The reason Bono had built his creation was to pay his respects to Michael Jackson. He wanted to go to the moon and do the moonwalk on arrival while listening to “Smooth Criminal” and holding his crouch. Jacko was his favourite act after Dubstep and following his departure he felt it was something he had to do.

Bono woke up and got himself together. First he took a shower and then put on his clothes. He finished off his outfit with a safari jacket before squeezing himself into a space suit. Before he set off to the craft he made sure the spacesuit was set up so he could easily urinate during flight. This was it, Bono strapped himself in and said a quick rendition of “how now brown cow” to calm his nerves. In usual dramatic style the countdown for takeoff was “The final countdown” by Europe. Once the song was complete the engines roared into life and the craft took off. At first all looked good but then the spaceship started to change direction rapidly like a googly ball in cricket. There was a sudden explosion in the sky and this was no sonic boom. The craft split to smithereens and rained down like a like a firework.

Police said that Bono’s body largely evaporated into the atmosphere but a gooey puss was found on part of the wreckage that contained his DNA. Scientists set to work to see if they could resurrect Bono from DNA they found and this is still ongoing. One Scientist believes the goo can be used to make as many as 100 Bono’s. This has not gone down well with the public and has caused more than one complaint.



The Picture: